timidities

It’s like falling in a dream. You awaken to the realization that you probably just died again and there’s nothing you can do to go back to that feeling. Sure you can remember but that never relieves the pain of knowing you liked it. I often wonder what it’s like to breathe your last breath… When I try to hold my breath under water I imagine not being able to come up to the air again… In an instant the body relinquishes the spirit.. I’ve seen people drown in James Bond movies…the life simply left them and nothing more…the pain stayed with James. I’ve never seen someone drown in real life and hope not to. It’s funny. I watch my one year old nephew like a hawk. I have the instinct to protect him against all odds. I never felt that before… Not even for my immediate family but his presence awakens that protective instinct in me for all the people I know. I’ve gone from abuser and user and neglector to protector and comforter. I thought I might save the world. In the end…I just may have.